Tuesday, July 27th.

New York City on my third day. I haven't done anything productive or fun yet, as all of this walking has made me yearn for some stationary time. Very uninteresting, so I'll talk about yesterday.

After I left the hotel, I spent my day walking around the area near the hotel. I started by trying to pick a cheap place for lunch. I found what I was looking for in a small chinese restaurant. It was good, but I must admit, I don't think I could tell the difference between quality chinese food or mall chinese food. Then I walked some of the back roads to check out the apartment complexes in the neighborhood.

I kept walking, and decided to do some shopping on 5th avenue. It was a lot of the same shops you can find back in Minneapolis, but it was still a good way to kill time. After some time, I met up with Tyler and Kari at the hotel where we waited for some friends of theirs to show up, so we could have a night out on the town. We went to a delicious restaurant and split wings and burger au poivres. Delicious. Then we went to Motorcity for a couple of drinks, then onto Max Fish's for more.

Then it was time to head back, as both Kari and Tyler needed to wake up early. Tyler was hungry, so we ended up at a little deli near the hotel. There was a cat there, who seemed nice enough, so of course, I wanted to pet it. It attacked me. I hate cats. Then we went back to the hotel and went to sleep.

I'm a little groggy from too much sleep, so apologies for the uninteresting post, but believe me, it was all a lot of fun

Now, I've procrastinated about as much as a I can, so it's time to shower and find myself a small, cheap meal.

New York City, day 1.

I'm sitting in the Chelsea neighborhood in New York City for the first time ever. This is my second day in town, and I still haven't stopped being amazed at the size of the city. I have to wonder, after living in this city for a while, do New Yorkers begin to feel as if they have seen all of the intricacies of the city, or does that take a lifetime? There is so much to see, so much to do. I am alone for the next 6 hours, and I could probably still entertain myself by stopping into the various shops within a 4 block radius. Which, is probably what I'll end up doing because, even after riding the subway all night yesterday, I still don't feel confident in my abilities to go much further.

Yesterday, Tyler and I must have walked 15 miles. We saw Times Square, Central Park, went shopping, were escorted to a corner to look at designer knockoff purses, ate fabulous foods, shopped, walked around Greenwich village, and took lots of pictures. Every day could be like that, with different locations, and the 7 days we will be here still won't have been enough to cover everything.

We are staying in the Chelsea Hotel for the next 4 days, then moving onto Newark for the remainder of our trip. Before we arrived, I was very excited to stay at the Chelsea. It has so much history, the pictures of the hotel are absolutely awe inspiring. But I must say, this hotel is poorly represented online. Yes, it has a fabulous history, and therefore has historical merits, but our room is probably a step above a ratty studio in the city - It is aesthetically unpleasant. It does have a nice balcony to view the street and people watch, it also has a kitchenette with the strangest array of dishes (pots and pans, but no plates or bowls, etc.). It's not the prettiest room, but the location works, and it is still our home for the next few days, so we will enjoy it nonetheless.

I was really amazed to see how dog friendly New York is. There are dogs EVERYWHERE. The owners seem so proud of their little companions as well. As I oohed and awed at the little guys and asked to pet them, the owners were always happy to oblige and talk about their pets. Which brings me to another point, I had always heard that New Yorkers were relatively rude. I haven't seen any indication of that whatsoever. Perhaps it's due to the areas we've been in, I'm not sure. I mean, there's definitely a harder edge that comes with being around SO many people and having to adopt more independence to be able to negotiate a life in such a large city, but it's barely noticeable. Maybe this is something that will show itself later in the week. You know, aside from when I have to tell a vendor I'm not interested in his poorly made designer knock off purses. But really, Prada? Dolce? They don't get made with the cheapest fabric lining you can possibly find.

I'm about to get ready and explore some on my own. So far, I've been given SO many recommendations for places to visit. As it stands, I'm dying to check out canal street during the day (we went later in the evening last night), I'd like to head back to St Mark's (since we were caught in a torrential downpour yesterday and couldn't keep checking out the shops), visit the tokidoki store, go to the museum, maybe the zoo, Molto Mario's restaurant (he'll never live down that name in my heart), and go to Baskin Robbins to pick up my birthday cone (since they no longer exist in Minnesota). Oh, and the Sex and The City nerd in me wants to take a picture on a stoop just like Carrie's, somewhere in the Village.

New York has really proven to be a great city so far.

slippery.

It has been a busy past few months. I found myself with some extra time, and not a whole lot to do with it. I was reminded of my blog, and figured I should probably do some updating in case anyone still reads it, or just for posterity.

Things have been going well for me. I just had my ten year anniversary at work. Things are going peachy between Tyler and I. Winston is as cute as ever.

I'm in the middle of doing laundry. I'm ready to switch loads, but I am TIRED and lazy. I'm going to New York City for the first time this upcoming Sunday. I am VERY excited. I plan to do quite a bit of shopping, hang out with friends who have moved there, visit MOLTO MARIO's restaurant, go to the bronx zoo, and the met. It will be my birthday while I'm in town, so I plan to celebrate at least one evening.

Here's the posterity portion of this post: Justin Bieber and Zac Efron were at my place of work over the past month. It was a big deal...for 15 year old girls.

Tyler is getting off work late. Once he is finished, I am picking him up and we are going to make a pizza from scratch. Well, minus making the dough from scratch.

If you are reading this, remind me that I need to update more often. Or every post will be as lame as this one.

Mousey.

I am watching The Last Temptation of Christ. A movie about Jesus invokes my interest as much as the biggest blockbuster action flick enthralls the masses.

I do not believe in god. I am not religious. But Jesus' kindness, his empathy, and his drive to treat others with a moral standard unlike no other, motivates me. If Jesus lived today, he would be cast aside as a crazy. Yelling prophecies to the masses on the streets, he would be another homeless man to be ignored. But he spoke many truths, and for this, he remains a mentor for me. Minus the spirituality, the fear of god, the worry about what happens when we die. I believe in taking care of one's self, treating others with respect, doing unto others as you would have done to you. Not because I'm afraid of what happens when you die, but because I know it is the right thing to do. I hope, endlessly, that treating others with kindness will ultimately lead to the same treatment. Although, I must admit, such selflessness has only come about rarely. I hope this isn't always the case. My biggest joy comes in the selfless love of others, it scares me that this kind of love seems more difficult to come by with each passing year.

I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black.

If you were looking at 3-4 weeks of eye twitching/spasms, 1+ week of constant headaches, and a day of hallucinations/visual mixups, would you seek medical assistance?

Let me start by saying, the hallucinations aren't as bad as you may be thinking. I had a night where within seconds of falling asleep, I was in a dream/awake state where I was hearing a loud, sucking noise coming from my hallway, and could feel myself being pulled into the noise, causing me to make myself wake up out of fear, pretty much every ten minutes for about 4 hours, but I couldn't help but keep falling asleep, and continuing the process, as I was very tired, and had to be up in a few hours. The other occasion was the next day, when I was driving. I thought I saw a car swerve into my lane in front of me, so I swerved to get out of the way. But, it didn't really happen, as Tyler was in the car and assured me as such. It hasn't happened since. I don't even know if these are truly hallucinations, as the sleep thing could just be chalked up to my fucked up sleep habits, and the car swerving could have been my eye twitching, making it appear as if the car swerved. Although, I haven't noticed anything else move unexpectedly in 3 and a half weeks of eye twitching..I don't know.

I just feel like a nutjob going to the doctor for eye twitches. But then again, my mom told me I was imagining things once when I told her my body was moving by itself, and it turned out it was, as a reaction to an anti-vomit medication, and I was practically a cripple by the time we reached the hospital.

I made the mistake of searching online for possible causes, which I ALWAYS do when I don't recognize a symptom, but I've been plagued with eye twitching a lot lately, just not this long, and I wanted to research it to make sure I wasn't crazy before going to a doctor.

Immediately after searching it, the easy solutions were sleep, stress reducing, vitamins. So, I slept 14 hours, assessed my stress situation, drank a bunch of v8. No relief.

Maybe I'm stressed, but I don't feel like I'm under more stress than I have dealt with in the past.

I've been massaging my eye. No relief.

I sincerely feel like I am going crazy.

Don't make frowns, you silly clown.

My self awareness has been hiding. I'm lucky to have a chance for it's revival without having to run away from anything. I was getting close, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one.

I was angry, crying, hiding, for no real purpose. Just out of principal. I did not take a single moment to look at myself and figure it out in relation to who I am. What I know. What I believe. Black and white. I was fighting blindly without perspective. Without perspective, we are all lost. I am better than this. I did not give myself a single moment to breathe and understand. Now, I can see (with a little push) I was more than likely suffocating everyone else around me as well.

I don't mean to say my grievances aren't valid, but to grasp tightly without any true perspective towards what you are holding onto and why, is like grasping at straws. Futile. I didn't give myself a moment to swallow the reality I was facing, and instead found myself jabbing, making excuses, and putting up defenses. Facing myself towards a path to nowhere.

I've spent a lot of time recently defending others. Crucifying others. Contemplating worthiness. Understanding reactions. Deciphering drunken mayhem. Judging. Being judged. Placating. Placating others. Policing. This is not me. This is a person who forgot to remember their morals, a person whose views have been shaken up, a person who forgot empathy, a person who forgot themselves. I have become a person who has gotten hung up on complaints.

Life will never be perfect. No one will ever be perfect. It's very easy to see what was wrong, what annoys you today. Why is it so hard to pay the same homage to what is good, what makes you smile today? I mentioned before how I always saw the positivity in a world full of shit. I'm looking at a a lot of things I've said and posted. I'm thinking about my past few months of living with Tyler. I have more happy moments over the past few months than I had over the past year, and I cannot believe my neglect to make notice of any of it. Just because it's more commonplace, I shouldn't take notice? I'm living with a man I've loved more than anyone. Nearly every single day, he makes me smile multiple times, but all I have focused on is our rocky and undefined past before he moved back.

I do not mean to belittle the hard times. Yes, we have our share. But that shouldn't discredit any of the good times, either.

Social experiments were so much easier when I didn't care. Each and every life experience does chalk itself up to be just that, a social experiment. None of us have all of the answers. There will never be just black and white. All I can do is hope that while living my life, my experiment goes well, and I end up living the life I deserve, instead of one I need to constantly dissect. One that can just be lived. Regardless of my situation, however, I am still eager to learn, and am not ready for something too commonplace. Someday soon, though, even if just for a moment, easy will suffice.